Valentineās Day may be the day to profess your undying love, but itās also a day where an alarming number of breakups happen as well, many times due to the added pressure for partners to perform and any subsequent disappointment from ālast strawā desires not met. So how do you best pick up the pieces when your supposed-to-be romantic day ends up being a forever split? Nicole Noonan, lovingly nicknamed the Fairy Godmother of Divorce, shares her insightful tips on how you can salvage the most from a breakup not just for you, but also for your now recent ex.
1. End on Good Terms
One of the biggest breakup mistakes people make right from the get-go is making their breakup an angry one. āNever solidify a break up during fight.Ā Donāt use the term we need to talk,ā Nicole says. āSit down with your partner and calmly give your reasons for the break.Ā Make nothing and take nothing said personal.ā This allows for easier and more effective future communication.
2. Be Polite
Think before you speak so you donāt say something you regret. āBe honest and not rude,ā advises Nicole. āDonāt place blame. Act with integrity.ā When two people are only trying to out-talk the other, no real progress can be made, especially when trying for a clean break.
3. Define Your Breakup
Itās easy to take a wishy-washy approach to not hurt the other personās feelings or to leave things open ended. This only causes further complications down the line. āDonāt leave false hopes or introduce friends with benefit situation. Someoneās feelings will get hurt,ā Nicole warns. āRemember yourĀ partnerās feelings.Ā Ā Compliment your partner and explain why it best to move on.ā
4. Break Up in Person
Much like the famous Sex and the City Post-It episode, breaking up is best done face-to-face. And when breaking up, also be mindful of where youāre doing the deed. Setting can be everything. āA friends wedding or āyour favorite placeā is not the place to break up,ā says Nicole. āChoose some place quiet and comfortable for your partner. Only leave when partner is calm.ā
5. Look Forward and Move On
One of the hardest things to sometimes do is leave that familiarity of the past and find new things in life that donāt remind you of your past relationship. āIf you live together, move out quickly. Donāt frequent places your ex goes to. Minimize contact. Free yourself to find a new love.ā
This Valentineās Day, keep in mind that itās a commercial holiday that doesnāt define the other 364 days of your relationship in a year. So hold back on the extra pressure, grand expectations and simply take the day to enjoy the person just for the love you have for them. āBesides,ā Nicole quips, āFebruary 16th is a fine day to get engaged.ā
Nicole Noonan, CEO of Novitas US, is a nationally recognized divorce expert who was crowned the āFairy Godmother for Divorceesā by the New York Post. Ā She’s is an advocate for the protection of women and their rights. Ā Noonan can provide the top three reasons, both financial andĀ otherwise, as to why January is considered the ābestā time to end bad marriages. As a skilled and passionate matrimonial attorney, Noonan has practiced with numerous top rated divorce law firms, and held the prestigious role of General Counsel at one of New Yorkās largest real estate firms. Nicole Noonan is a frequent commentator on Bloombergās āTalking Stock with Pimm Fox.ā Sheās also been featured on Good Morning America, Bloomberg TV, and WLNYās āThe Couch.ā